The Inner Critic in High-Achieving Women: How to Stop Overthinking, Perfectionism, and Imposter Syndrome
- Stephanie Post
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
How to Stop Overthinking Without Fighting Yourself
If you want to know how to stop overthinking, the paradox is this:
You don’t stop it by trying to stop it. You stop it by helping the part of you that’s afraid feel supported.
For high-achieving women, overthinking is rarely about indecision. It’s about a protective part that believes staying vigilant is the only way to stay safe.
This is why insight alone doesn’t bring relief.
What does help is offering that part something it’s never had before: unconditional support in the moment it’s activated.
In my work, I teach a simple nervous-system-based framework called Notice, Name, Nurture (the N3 Method).
Notice when the inner critic shows up — in your body, thoughts, and tone.
Name it as a part (the Critic, the Perfectionist, the Worrier), rather than who you are.
Nurture it instead of arguing with it or trying to make it go away.
This is where the I Love You Anyway tapping comes in.
The I Love You Anyway Tapping: Meeting the Critic with Safety
Rather than silencing the inner critic, this practice helps you soothe it.
While gently tapping left and right on alternating sides of your body (shoulders, knees, or thighs), you speak directly to the part that’s activated — out loud.
It sounds like this:
“I know you’re feeling like you’re not good enough, and I love you anyway.” “I know you’re scared you’ll be exposed or judged, and I accept you anyway.” “I know you’re full of self-doubt right now, and I support you anyway.”
Nothing is being fixed. Nothing is being convinced.
Instead, while tapping, you’re doing three powerful things at once:
Talking aloud to the part, rather than about it
Acknowledging the experience it’s having — the emotions, sensations, and beliefs
Offering unconditionality (love, acceptance, or support), without requiring it to change
This matters because the inner critic isn’t looking for reassurance that “everything will be fine.”
It’s looking for confirmation that:
I’m not alone with this. I don’t have to be perfect to be held. I can soften without danger.
When that happens, the nervous system downshifts — and overthinking naturally begins to quiet.
Why This Works When Other Tools Don’t
Positive thinking often backfires because it bypasses the part that’s afraid. The I Love You Anyway tapping works because it:
Welcomes all parts
Keeps you present in your body
Engages both sides of the brain through bilateral stimulation
Offers relational safety instead of pressure
Allows the critic to relax rather than double down
This is why approaches rooted in parts work therapy are so effective for perfectionism and anxiety. Protective parts don’t soften through logic — they soften through relationship.
And relationship requires presence, not performance.
Why Burnout Needs Safety — Not More Discipline
Burnout in high-achieving women isn’t caused by laziness or lack of motivation.
It’s caused by years of internal pressure without enough internal support.
When perfectionism and anxiety are driven by an unsupported inner critic, no amount of productivity hacks will create relief.
What actually helps is teaching your system:
You don’t have to be perfect to be safe
You’re not alone with responsibility
Rest doesn’t equal failure
That’s when clarity, confidence, and sustainable motivation return — not because you pushed harder, but because your system finally felt held.
A Gentle Next Step for High-Achieving Women
If you recognize yourself in this — the overthinking, the imposter syndrome, the perfectionism and anxiety — there is nothing wrong with you.
Your system has simply been working too hard for too long.
Learning to work with the inner critic for high-achieving women through parts work therapy — and practices like the I Love You Anyway tapping — isn’t about becoming softer or less capable.
It’s about becoming supported.
And from that place, everything changes.
Stephanie Post, PsyD. is a trauma-informed somatic psychologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She integrates EMDR, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and Internal Family Systems to help adults overcome trauma, anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression, and to live more authentic, embodied lives. Reach out to her here.
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